This closet feels like a gas chamber
by teslasward
Summary: Follows Dave after the events of S2.20 "Prom"
1. Night of Nightmares

"I can't"

Those were his last, pathetic words to Kurt before he bolted out of the decorated gymnasium at a breakneck pace. The whole situation had simply proved too much for him to handle.

Bursting through the front doors of McKinley, caught between tears and hyperventilation Dave thought back on the week that had changed everything.

He closed his eyes, recalling his conversation with Santana in the café last Friday. Somehow, she had found him out and was threatening him with the most terrifying blackmail in the world: outing him to the world. Panicked, he quickly downplayed the effect her words were having on him so as to not alert anyone else around to the conversation. Like a deer in headlights he was too overcome with shock and fear to fully listen to what the spunky Latina was saying to him until he heard something that had caught his ear. Santana, the man-hungry, busty former leader of the Cheerios was a lesbian.

"Maybe, I'm not the only one", he had thought, only to be interrupted by her proposal of mock-dating to hide each other's secret and execute revenge on Fabray and Puckerman for crossing her. But he didn't care about either of them or becoming prom royalty, what really had stuck was Santana's plot to get Kurt to return to McKinley as a means to do so. Kurt, the boy whose life he had made miserable these past years only as a way to fight his own feelings. Kurt, the shining symbol of pride and fearlessness who strutted through McKinley's halls without a care in the world. Kurt was never afraid to be himself and didn't give a damn about what others thought of him; at least it seemed that way until tonight.

Tonight Kurt endured the wrath of McKinley's homophobia, the very thing that Dave had feared most of all. Seeing his shining beacon of hope being derided and ridiculed by his classmates made his heart skip a beat; more than anything he wanted to go with Blaine into the hallway after Kurt and comfort him, but crippling fear and insecurity got the best of him. Behind his frozen expression, Dave was weeping for Kurt. He hated himself for not being strong enough to go and comfort the boy he so admired and at one point even loved. He admired Kurt for having the balls to come back and not only accept the crown, but own it. Kurt was everything that Dave wanted to be: confident, proud, beautiful, loved and kind. Dave could have come out at that very moment when he looked into Kurt's beautiful face with tears; he could have, but he ran away again, like he always had before.

These memories plagued him incessantly as he sat on the steps of McKinley drenched in tears. "My god, why am I such a fuck up?" he grunted as he slammed his fist into the concrete floor beneath him.

The pain in his throbbing knuckles felt like a sweet release from the emotional trauma wracking his mind, at least for a moment. But as the initial sting subsided his thoughts wandered back to earlier in the week.


	2. A Pradaclad Angel

It was Wednesday right before 3rd period. Dave was escorting Kurt to French class before making his way to Calculus. They stopped just outside the classroom.

"Here we are, 3rd period, French class. I'm going to calculus so wait inside the classroom until the bell rings and I get back to walk you to lunch", he instructed.

Nodding with a somewhat blasé look, Kurt noted, "Have you noticed that no one has said boo to me this week?"

"Because the Bully-Whips are protecting you." He smirked.

"Maybe" Kurt replied coyly, "But maybe no one has been harassing me this week because nobody cares."

"You're dreamin'"

Only to be rebuffed by the other, "Okay look, I'm not saying that everyone in the school is ready to embrace the gay, but maybe at least they've evolved enough to be indifferent."

Dave faked a half-smile at Kurt's words, but just shook his head and looked down, biting his lip. He hoped that Kurt would just leave it at that and walk into class, but the brunette continued once he saw the sadness in Dave's eyes.

"I see how miserable you are Dave."

Fighting back the tears, he bit down harder on his lower lip, shifting his eyes from right to left.

"I could just hate you when you were bullying me, but…", Kurt hesitated as his eyes started to get misty, "now all I see is your pain."

His feelings were welling up like a tsunami ready to burst through the flood gates.

"And you don't have to torture yourself over this."

Dave sucked back a tear and mouthed a word or two before Kurt continued as he looked down.

"I'm not saying you should come out tomorrow, but … maybe soon the moment will arise when you can."

The bell rang and Dave couldn't hold it in any longer. He closed his eyes and bowed his head so the passing students wouldn't see his tears, but even that couldn't stop them from coming. He was crying, in front of Kurt, no less. When the bell passed and the students were gone, Kurt stayed. Noticing Dave's tears he asked, "What's wrong?"

Looking up from the ground, Dave's eyes, inundated with tears struggle to look Kurt in the eye as he raised his hand to take off the Beret. He ripped it off, exposing his matted hat-hair and fell sobbing silently against the hallway wall. Working up whatever courage he could find, he said through the congestion and tears, "I'm so… I'm so freaking sorry Kurt. I'm just so sorry for what I did to you."

Like nothing had happened between them, Kurt said lovingly, "I know, I know."

Dave's heart lifted for a moment, allowing a quick grin, before his tough guy façade took over again, feigning sureness and confidence to mask the magnitude of the moment.

"Cool." He diverts his eyes rapidly while licking his lip. "Thanks." The persona breaks as he fights back the tears once more saying, "Remember. Wait for me here, alright?"

Dave walks away wiping the tears from his eyes lest anyone question his masculinity.

Throughout calculus Dave couldn't do anything except think about what had just happened between him and Kurt. There was no way Kurt could know how much those words, "I know" had meant to him. To Dave, they weren't only an acceptance of his apology, but also an acknowledgment of his struggles and a willingness to help and care for him in any way possible. Thankfully, Dave already had a total grasp on the material that they were learning so he could tune out completely. He replayed the scene in his mind a thousand times, analyzing every detail, every motion that Kurt made, but he couldn't figure out how the person he had tortured for so long, the person whose first kiss he stole could be so kind and understanding towards him.

The bell rang and Dave darted through the corridors towards the French classroom to pick up Kurt and escort him to lunch.

"Hi, sorry I'm late."

"Dave, it's fine. Don't worry about it. It's not like the Westboro Baptist Church was going to materialize in my French room and carry me away."

He feigned a smile, but his eyes were still glassy from before. "Alright, let's get you to lunch."

Dave started walking expecting Kurt to follow, but he was still standing in the door of the classroom. "C'mon, if we don't hurry up, we won't beat the freshman to the line."

Unfazed by the prospect of missing out on lunch, Kurt stood in the doorway quietly. "Dave, forget about lunch. Come sit with me in here, there's no class during this period. I want to talk."

Dave's mind was racing: _"Oh shit, what does he want to talk about? What am I going to say to him? _He shuffled his feet and glanced back and forth before walking into the classroom. He pulled a seat up and sat next to Kurt, trying not to make eye contact.

"Dave, I know you're sorry, I know you're scared and I want to help."

"Why would you even want to help me after what I've done to you? I mean I'm the fat slob that stole your first 'real' kiss."

"Dave…"

"I heard you talking to Blaine, or whatever his name is that day. I stole your first kiss."

"Dave, I…"

"Maybe I should just fake being straight. I mean I'm a gross, fat sweaty guy, what guy would ever want me?"

"Dave, please here me out. I shouldn't have said those things about you, I know I shouldn't have, but I was just tired of all of the bullying of the unexplained aggression. I couldn't see where any of it was coming from, but now I can. Dave, I'm really and truly sorry."

"Kurt, I owe you more of an explanation than that. Kurt, the reason I kissed you that day was because I really loved you. I was so afraid of anybody ever thinking that I liked you even as a friend that I was terrible to you. I was terrified that if I was your friend, people would instantly peg me as gay. What I did was wrong. I forced that kiss because I couldn't formulate the words to express how I felt about you."

"You… you loved me?"

"Yes, I did. I can't explain why or how or when, but I loved you. What you don't know is after that day when I first saw you with him, I went home and cried. I thought that if you were taken by someone else, that I had no one else in the world. My friends on the football team would never understand me if I told them and I was terrified of even thinking of telling my family anything."

"Dave…."

"Eventually, I was able to accept that you'd never be able to like me like that, but still I was jealous of the happiness you had found with that Blaine guy. You found someone who loves you for who you are and I thought that I'll never find someone who feels that way about me." Dave's eyes are glassy, red and tear-filled as he spills his heart to Kurt. He was exposing himself like never before. He was trusting Kurt with his feelings.

Without saying a word, Kurt got up from his seat and walked over to his weeping guardian. He wrapped his arms around Dave's shoulders and hugged him tightly from behind.

"Dave, listen to me. I only said those things to you because I was angry and frustrated. I didn't mean any of it. You're perfect the way you are and don't let anyone, even me, tell you otherwise. You'll find your prince charming."

Soaked in tears, Dave stood up and hugged Kurt tightly until the smaller boy said jokingly, "Can't… breathe."

He laughed and let go. For the first time, Dave was beginning to feel comfortable in his own skin.

"Kurt, I can't promise you anything, but I think I might be okay coming out soon. Perhaps not today, or even this week, but soon."

Kurt smiled and remarked, "Okay, but promise me when you do that you'll burn that hideous beret and jacket."

Dave laughed "What? Why? I like it!"

"It's a crime against fashion. Scratch that, it's a crime against humanity. And we'll to get you some jeans that show off your best ASS-et."

"Kurt!"

"Let's go get lunch before they start serving that inedible sludge out of desperation."


End file.
